When I found out Ryan was diagnosed Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) known as Autism, my world crumbled around me. At that time, I wanted to look for ways to prove to the specialist that she was wrong because she had no knowledge of Children of Deaf Adults. I did look for articles and indeed did find an article about Hearing Children of Deaf Parents with Language Delay.
Also, I remember feeling my world crumbled around me as I wanted to blame others for causing Ryan being Autism while I was pregnant quietly. Instead of blaming others, I automatically shut the world out for weeks including my family. I remember how angry I was when I heard someone telling me, " I'm sorry to see that Ryan will live with you for the rest of your life time." That was blunt. But for anyone who had said to someone bluntly TOTALLY missed beautiful daily moments.
I remember how much I wanted to overcome Ryan's obstacles. At first, he could not speak at all. He was frustrated. He had lots of tantrums: throwing things up in the air such as toys and shoes. He did dash off a lot of times. But this had changed. Little by little, I worked with him daily by age 3. He gradually started talking and cooperating nicely. That was not my only destinations. The next destination was to interact with other kids. Now, he surprised others; he does interact with other kids. Still, I have many more secret destinations -- I am not the kind of a person who would surrender despite of his disability. Look at me- I am his example.
When a parent finds out his/her child is disability, I know what it feels like to see your world crumble around you. But the matter is that I had totally different points of views.
I didn't know then that Ryan's smile would make my heart sing.
I didn't know that he would hug my neck with all his might and that he would be a super snugger.
I didn't know he would make me laugh in many ways.
I didn't know he would amaze me with his far-out creative imaginations.
I didn't know he would made that far ahead of my expectation: being in a full-time mainstream class and doing remarkable well.
Yet, I had the experience to walk through the pain to find joy.
and looking back,I can confidently say, the joy far outweighs the pain.